Daily Mash - I WARNED OF CRISIS TEN YEARS AGO THEN DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT IT, SAYS BROWN

Another great Daily Mash offering

GORDON Brown yesterday said he warned of the financial crisis 10 years ago but did nothing to stop it because, quite frankly, he wants us all dead.

In a speech to the Foreign Press Association in London, Mr Brown said: "At any point I could have stepped in and made the necessary changes that would at least have protected the UK, what with me being chancellor of the exchequer and everything. But then I thought 'where's the fun in that?'.

"I was watching that new Batman film the other night and there's a bit where Michael Caine - he plays the butler - says that 'some men aren't looking for anything logical, some men just want to watch the world burn'. That's me, that is.

"Now some people are saying that my bank bail outs aren't working and if I'm not careful I'll end up destroying our entire financial system and bankrupting the country. Well, d'uh!"

Mr Brown added: "I'm not right in the head. I've been setting fire to stuff recently. Just small stuff. Books, furniture, cats.

"They keep giving me these little yellow pills, but I don't think they're working. If anything they make me even angrier and I just want to start bigger and bigger fires.

"I guess it's only a matter of days now before I set fire to a car. Then it'll be a church, a hospital, a row of quaint, terraced cottages. I'm just letting you know."