Once upon a time there was a man called Gordon Brown and he was left in charge of a bonfire. The people said 'Don't forget Gordon, the fire must not go out or we will get cold, but it also must not burn too bright or all the fuel will get used up. Don't forget to collect wood to put on the fire in case it starts to go out'
So Gordon tended the fire, it was already burning well when he started to tend it. All went well for a while, but then it started to burn brighter and brighter. Gordon was happy 'Look people are you not feeling warm'
Some of the people were worried ' Is it not burning too bright though?' Gordon did not like to be criticised ' Do you want the fire to go out?'
Some of the people were still worried 'Can it not burn a little less bright without going out?' But their voices were drowned out by Gordon's friends.
Soon some of Gordon's friends were in need of firewood so Gordon gave them the firewood. Some of the people were worried 'Isn't the firewood there for an emergency?' Gordon did not like to be criticised 'This is the best fire ever' he said.
Some of the people were still worried 'Just because it is the best fire does not mean that it will always be so' But their voices were again drowned out.
Soon the fire started to burn itself out and the people were unhappy. 'Put some more firewood on, we are getting cold' they called. 'This is still the best fire' said Gordon because he had become deranged in the heat and light.
And then the people realised that the man they thought was in charge of the fire was not really in charge. He had not looked after it and had wasted all the firewood. So they pointed the finger at him and said 'we want someone else to look after our fire'
Gordon was unmoving 'I just need to restate the fact that this is the best fire, then you will understand.'
'But the fire is going out' cried the people. 'No it isn't' said Gordon.
Soon there were only a few flickers of flames where once the mighty fire had stood.
Even Gordon could no longer deny that the fire was almost out 'The wood was too dry' said Gordon 'it was already out of control when I started looking after it, what would someone else do? the fire is structurally sound. The Yanks gave me wet wood for the fire'
But the people saw through him. 'when the fire was burning well, you said that it was because you were so good at fire tending. Now it is out how come it is everybody else's fault and not yours'
'Yeah well' said Gordon 'Those Toffs would do no better' Gordon was now so delusionally deranged that only insults were left.
'We don't care. We trusted you with our fire and you let us down' said the people' You are barking mad. Stand aside and let us have a choice'
'I have 2 years left of my mandate, I just need to show you I am thinking of the long term and I will not be distracted' said Gordon. But some of Gordon's friends realised that the game was up and carted him off to a secure unit.
Step forward Mr & Mrs Balls
God save our souls