The Daily Mash has another superb article.
HE'S A SELF-MADE BILLIONAIRE AND YOU'RE A SLEAZY TWAT, EVERYONE TELLS MANDELSON
Lord Mandelson pictured last week trying desperately not to lie to someone
LORD Mandelson has been given a resounding answer to the question of who the fuck Starbucks boss Howard Schultz thinks he is.
Earlier this week the business secretary launched a blistering attack on the coffee house tycoon after Schultz claimed the British economy was exactly as bad as it currently is.
But last night everyone in Britain contacted Lord Mandelson to say how much they wished Mr Schultz was running the British economy instead of a sleazy lounge lizard and his idiot friends.
Tom Logan, from Reading, said: "He lived on a council estate, turned Starbucks into one of the biggest brands in history and built a $1bn fortune and you got one of your millionaire chums to pay for your fancy house and then lied about it.
"He has won awards for his support for AIDS charities and you tried to help two of your millionaire chums skip the passport queue.
"He has created jobs for 172,000 people in every corner of the globe and you got a £1 million pension from the EU for doing fuck all and now seem to spend an awful lot of time on other people's yachts.
"And he clearly knows a thing or two about business while you were the 'mastermind' behind a political movement which has pissed a trillion pounds of our money up the wall and driven the country to the brink of bankruptcy."
Mr Logan added: "Oh yeah, and before I forget, you were also in charge of the Millennium Dome.
"So that's who he is and that's who you are. Although you can probably make a better cup of coffee."